A dance with my emotions

Are the vibes off?

Or are the vibes just trying to tell me to do something unconventional? Are the vibes guiding me to do something I don’t usually do as much as I should?

Pause. Be still. Pray. Express. Move. Cry. Release. Feel. Meditate.

To let go of the need to overanalyze my emotions and motions. They’re here and they make no sense. They’re here and it’s for a reason. They’ve been waiting for so long for me to open the door. To stop my distractions and welcome them in. They’re so patient with me. If I ask them to leave, they will. I’ve figured out how to avoid them and shoo them over the years. But they will keep trying to come back and they will keep accumulating. All the messages all they want to tell me. It could be as simple as a sentence or a word but since I wait and wait, they end up becoming a whole book to read through.

Manifesting themselves in my body as I leave them no choice. They got to express themselves somehow.

But it’s not that I don’t want them. It’s not that I hate them. I was just never taught how to acknowledge them and allow myself to feel them, until recently. So much to undo. To unlearn. To replace. But I’m doing better now. I invited them in through movement today, and I cried, and I wept, and I screamed, and coughed, laughed, and stood still. I felt a physical, energetic, emotional, and spiritual release.

Little by little, I learn that by honoring them I honor myself. They weren’t supposed to be seen as nuisances. They’re trying to help me. Guide me. I was supposed to have more time and energy to honor them as they come. But we happen to live in a capitalistic world that values the hustle and grind. The go, go, go, don’t stop to cry, not even to breathe. We have to do so much just to survive. But nevertheless, I try and try. To build them an altar. To dance with them, to write them a poem. To let them flow through me instead of fighting them. I try.